• Bullying occurs when a student is repeatedly harmed, psychologically and/or physically, by another student or a group of students.

• Bullies are typically socially or physically stronger than their victims and the abuse can come in many forms including, but not limited to, physical/verbal assaults or aggressions, physical/verbal threats, intentional exclusion, repeated name calling, spreading rumors, and rude gestures.

• Both boys and girls engage in bullying, with boys reverting typically to physical threats and intimidation, and girls often using more discreet emotional aimed group exclusion and gossip.

• Often bullying behavior goes either unnoticed or disregarded because of the popular concept that this is an unavoidable and “normal” part of adolescence. Consequently, chronic victims of bullying often suffer depression, low self-esteem, report mental and health problems, may bring weapons to school in retaliation, and may contemplate suicide more often than their non-bullied peers.

•  An area that usually is overlooked is the fact that bullies themselves suffer from underachievement in academic settings, are more likely to be abusive spouses, and more likely to be involved in future criminal activity.

• With such an issue at hand, prevention is the key strategy for addressing the problem of bullying.  Both educators and parents have key roles to play in order for this problem to be solved.  School districts can impose strict policies against bullying and/or bullying behavior and create school-wide prevention programs. However, if parents suspect or learn of bullying behavior, then there are several things that they can do to intervene.

Watch and be aware of certain warning signs that may indicate that your child is engaging or involved in bullying behavior. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Has my child ever been accused of being a bully at school or elsewhere?

• Has my child ever had an issue with fighting (physically or verbally) with other children at school or elsewhere?

• Does my child get frustrated easily when he/she doesn’t get their way? Does my child seem defiant or oppositional?

• Who are my child’s friends? How does my child interact with others? Have I witnessed my child in interaction with other peers? Is he/she dominant or aggressive?

• What does my child do with spare time? What are my child’s hobbies?

• Does my child speak about other children as “stupid”, or use other negative terms to describe others? Does my child talk about certain children as “deserving” bad things to happen to them, or showing little concern for others in bad situations?

If you discover that your child is bullying others, it may be difficult for you to understand or accept. Here are some suggestions:

• Become familiar with the anti-bullying policy at your child’s school and discuss these rules and expectations with your child. It is imperative that your child is educated as to what acceptable behavior is, and to what unacceptable behavior is.

• Find out exactly what activities your child is involved in. Differentiate between what your child has actually been accused of, and what activities he/she is admitting to.

• Engage your child in non-threatening conversation to reveal why such bullying activities may be occurring. It is imperative that your child be approached in a non-threatening manner, he/she may be experiencing emotional or social difficulties that are hard to handle or explain. A significant amount of children feel pressured into bullying behavior in order to fit in with peers, or to avoid being bullied themselves.

• Explain to your child the consequences resulting from bullying, not forgetting to focus on the negative outcomes brought upon themselves from such behavior.

• Discuss alternatives to aggressive behavior to your child. Use role reversal techniques to place your child in “the other person’s shoes”. Some behaviors suggested for alternate choices include asking for help, respecting others, and showing patience and tolerance for those who are different. Praise your child for using the alternate behaviors listed, this will serve as encouragement for future compliance.

• Establish guidelines and rules regarding aggressive behavior. Also establish consequences for the non-compliance of these established rules, and carry these out consistently when rules are violated.

• Ensure your child had appropriate adult supervision at all times, and be aware of his/her involvement in activities in and out of school.

• Report any incidents of bullying behavior to the appropriate school officials; this applies even if your own child is the one engaging in such activity. This will show your child that they are ultimately responsible for their own behavior and will also show your intolerance with this sort of behavior.

•  Seek outside help such as a school guidance counselor, pastor, psychologist or social worker. These trained and experienced mentors can help offer additional suggestions and goal plans in addressing your child’s desire to be a bully.

 

Watch for warning signs that your child might be the victim of bullying. Here are some questions to ask yourself. If you can answer yes to one or more of these questions regarding your child he/she may be a victim of bullying.

• Does my child fear going to school? Is my child anxious about school? Has my child repeatedly missed school due to “illness”? Does my child make up reasons/excuses not to go to school?

• Have I noticed bruises on my child? When I ask my child about these bruises, what is the response?

• Does my child have friends? Who are these friends? Have I seen the way they interact together? Does my child seem to be withdrawn, or submissive around other children?

• Does my child seem unhappy or insecure? Does my child frequently talk about “no one liking them”, or not having any friends? Does my child ever mention “getting back at someone”, or wanting to hurt someone?

Does my child seem to have low self-esteem or self-confidence? Does my child have difficulty being assertive?

Talking about being bullied may be a difficult thing to do with your child. Here are some suggestions:

• Do not confront the suspected bully or bullies on your own. Your natural instinct may be to protect your child and address the suspected bully directly. However, this response may only serve to escalate the situation, and ultimately make things worse.

• Talk to an appropriate school official about the situation. Remember, the school is responsible for providing a safe learning environment.

• Engage your child in conversation to determine what generally happens in school and what they do in their free time. You can attain much just by getting the “general feel” of their responses and gestures.

• Role play with your child to help them practice their future responses to bullies. Encourage responses like walking away, telling an adult, or asking from help from peers.

• Teach your child that reporting bullying behavior is not “tattling”, and explain that everyone is a victim when the bully is allowed to treat others badly. Also, let your child know that by reporting this behavior support will come from school staff, and from you as the parent.

• Encourage your child to talk with friends about bullying. Bullies rarely target kids in groups, so maintaining a unified support group of peers may be a helpful deterrent.

• Always ensure that your child is properly supervised at all times. Be aware of your child’s activities, whether they are in or out of school.

• Report any incidents of bullying behavior to school officials, even if your child is not the target. Let your child see that you support school personnel in the prevention of bullying behavior.

• Seek outside help such as a school guidance counselor, pastor, psychologist or social worker. These trained and experienced mentors can help offer additional suggestions and goal plans to help your child deal with bullies.

Whether or not you suspect bullying behavior is going on you may want to consider getting involved in establishing an anti-bullying prevention plan at your child’s school, (if one doesn’t already exist). Also, research and become familiar with the current school policy regarding bullying behavior as many states have policies in place which provide certain rights to kids involved in bullying behavior. Here are a few more helpful hints to help eliminate bullying:

• Teach your child that bullying behavior is not acceptable, regardless of whether you believe your child is being victimized, is the offender, or is a potential participant/victim.

• Encourage your child to report any and all acts of bullying to the appropriate officials, faculty and to you. Remember, the problem won’t be addressed until it is acknowledged.

• Get involved in your child’s life both inside and out of school. You will be surprised on how much insight your child will inadvertently give you just by everyday conversation. You will also see how your child is interacting with other children, and you will see first hand any warning signs that may be given off.

• Educate your child on how to engage in non-violent interactions with potential bullies. This will prepare your child for such situations in school and elsewhere.

Coloroso, B. (2003). The bully, the bullied and the bystander: Breaking the cycle of violence. New York: Harper Resource. ISBN: 0060014296
Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school: What we know and what we can do (understanding children’s worlds). Malden, MA: Blackwell. ISBN: 0631192417
Rigby, K. (2001). Health consequences of bullying and its prevention in schools. In J. Juvonen & S. Graham (Eds.), Peer harassment in school: The plight of the vulnerable and victimized (pp.310-331). New York: Guilford. ISBN: 1572306270
Swearer, S. M., & Doll, B. (2001). Bullying in schools: An ecological framework. In R.A. Geffner, M. Lorning, & C. Young (Eds.), Bullying Behavior: Current Issues, research and interventions (pp.7-23). Binghamton, NY: Hamworth Press. ISBN: 078901436X

Bullypolice—www.bullypolice.com
A list if states that have anti-bullying laws, plus links to other bully related sources.

Committee for Children—www.cfchildren.org/bully.html
Provides information on bullying and bullying prevention.

KidsHealth—www.kidshealth.com
From the Nemours Foundation, has much information on bullying, including “Bullying & Your Child.”

National Mental Health and Education Center—www.naspcenterorg.factsheets/bullying_fs.html
From the National Association of School Psychologists, offers several links with suggestions for parent and teachers concerning bullying.